Wholeness In Singleness

What is wrong with me? 

The stigma of being single has created fear in the generation we live in today. Society tags singleness as a state of incompleteness. If you are single and in your late 20's or past age 30 people will ask unfiltered questions such as, "Are you dating anybody", or, "What are you waiting for to get married?", and the truth of the matter is that, if you are not sure of who you are, your mind will spiral into negative thoughts that can quickly create a distorted idea of being single.

Being single doesn't necessarily mean being lonely. Being single is an amazing opportunity to get to know yourself. In this season you can understand inner battles that have created layers of insecurities. Like an onion, you begin to peel layers of ideas that through failed relationships were created in your mind.  Perhaps in the past you excused abusive ways and behaviors to feel accepted and possibly it even made you insatiably eager to "earn" somebody's love and approval.

At the beginning of my single season I was afraid that not being in a relationship meant that every insult I had ever heard in an argument in a past relationship was being proved right. I was still sinking in the mentality of, "why couldn't I prove him wrong?", it was such a distorted self image that made me feel impaired, imperfect and unhappy . It left me feeling frustrated. Why couldn't I be loved? Why couldn't I get it right? What was wrong with me?

During beginning stages of my singleness I became convicted that the most reliable resource of knowledge for healthier habits and relationships would only be an outcome from acquiring help in prayer and in the counsel of the word of God.

I know now that I may never get it right. I will never reach perfection.
Honestly, I'm tired of trying! The good news is that I don't have to be perfect to be loved and I don't have to be perfect to be chosen and pursued:

Ephesians 1:4-6 says:

he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he[b] predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves (Jesus).

The word of God tells me that I was chosen and I was predestined to experience a transformation I could not do on my own. A transformation no other human being could do for me. The sense of self-fulfillment can only come from experiencing the love of God. 

God adopted me. Adoption is purposeful. Adoption doesn't happen by mistake. Adoption is a lifetime commitment.

Romans 8:15:For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons and daughters by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"

My Father reveals my addictions to break me free from them. He shows me the patterns that send me down mental spirals of self-defeat, not to hurt me, but to help me. When I begin to understand my thoughts, behavior and patterns, then I can identify triggers and I can be more pro-active (following biblical advise). When God shows me how to peacefully understand my twisted ways without self-punishment, then I can address the dysfunction with self-love (understanding that I have not nor will I ever lose His love)...and I no longer experience fear. I experience freedom in knowing who I am and how He is involved in who I am becoming, but knowing that in the transition He still loves me!

Our actions come either from love or from fear, but when we understand our identity in Jesus Christ as daughters and sons of God- then we understand who should be in control and we can more easily surrender our will to Him. In this surrender we experience freedom of fear for the future. 

In Jesus Christ I am found blameless. To me, that means that while God is working with me and in me, He doesn't keep notes of my flaws to later use them against me. God doesn't keep score. God helps me and teaches me different/healthier ways for my own good and well being- BECAUSE HE LOVES ME. 

I look forward to fully understanding myself; habits, addictions, flaws, defects and all. Once I master how to make intentional and purposeful acts of love towards myself I will be able to reciprocate this for another human being. The only way I can continue this self growth is by understanding the one who made me. 

Love isn't a feeling. Love is action. 

Romans 5:8 says:

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

While I was still in my sin and practicing my destructive way of life, He had already done the greatest act of love for me.

How many people do you know will stick by and wait around for you? Waiting for you to acknowledge them... waiting on your attitude to change... waiting for you to make better choices... waiting, but at the same time pursuing you... Only Jesus has done that for us. He laid His life on the line and He is now waiting on you!

A relationship with Jesus.

If you are single and struggling to love yourself, then I invite you to begin the best relationship of life... a relationship with Jesus. 

In this relationship you will:

1. Become aware of a full rounded LOVE that will heal every insecurity that has stolen the true identity of who you were made to be.
2. Gain self-awareness of mental self-convicted condemnations that steal your peace.
3. Experience freedom. You will learn to address the lies that have been spoken over you and you will learn to speak life over yourself and your future. 
4. Confidence: You will have a fuller life that will allow you to walk in confidence and you will truly learn to not care about what other people think of you, because fulfilling expectations established by this world and their ever changing views will no longer be your source of happiness.

I hope that you find what you are looking for. My prayer is that the hurt and pain of rejection and abuse hasn't left you believing your situation can't change around. Because it can.