Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I'm in a season where I have found myself worried about being in God's perfect will. I have been concerned about a number of things. I was serving in ministry, spending a lot of time with the Lord, getting deep into the word and feeling the peace of God.
Things have changed a bit these past 4 weeks. New job, new friends, longer commutes and a shift in my schedule. Prayer time has declined. I had to step back from serving for a bit and these changes have affected my moods. This had left me feeling a lot of guilt.
The guilt was dictating swings in my mood. This is a perfect situation where, if I am moody enough to lash out, then I later feel ashamed and undeserving of God's love.
Through this season and these challenges I have learned that if I want to keep pursuing my relationship with Jesus, then communication is key. Just like in any other relationship, the line of communication has to be open and honest.
During my mood swings I take an honest approach during prayer. I have gotten to know the worse parts of my personality. I have identified (through revelation of the holy Spirit) triggers and reactions to these triggers. I have discovered that I have traumas in which the Lord is still at work. These traumas and their triggers could not have been addressed had they not been brought to surface. For example, never did I ever think I had triggers on traumas due to sense of abandonment.
There's a number of circumstances that can cause a sense of abandonment. A lot of these circumstances have taken parts of my life. In these past experiences I decided to put on a brave face and push forward in unhealthy ways. I created unhealthy, codependent relationships. I became a people pleaser and would give too much too soon in relationships. But then again, I think this has happened to a lot of us!
These fears can manifest in a number of ways. In all honesty I never imagined I had any scars from my mother's death or from circumstances where I had to depend on myself due to losing loved ones. Reality is that I am human and I have developed behaviors that are triggered by these traumas. One thing I had to live out loud is that God's love is faithful. God's love is a safe place and NOTHING can separate me from the His love.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I'm in a season where I have found myself worried about being in God's perfect will. I have been concerned about a number of things. I was serving in ministry, spending a lot of time with the Lord, getting deep into the word and feeling the peace of God.
Things have changed a bit these past 4 weeks. New job, new friends, longer commutes and a shift in my schedule. Prayer time has declined. I had to step back from serving for a bit and these changes have affected my moods. This had left me feeling a lot of guilt.
The guilt was dictating swings in my mood. This is a perfect situation where, if I am moody enough to lash out, then I later feel ashamed and undeserving of God's love.
Through this season and these challenges I have learned that if I want to keep pursuing my relationship with Jesus, then communication is key. Just like in any other relationship, the line of communication has to be open and honest.
During my mood swings I take an honest approach during prayer. I have gotten to know the worse parts of my personality. I have identified (through revelation of the holy Spirit) triggers and reactions to these triggers. I have discovered that I have traumas in which the Lord is still at work. These traumas and their triggers could not have been addressed had they not been brought to surface. For example, never did I ever think I had triggers on traumas due to sense of abandonment.
There's a number of circumstances that can cause a sense of abandonment. A lot of these circumstances have taken parts of my life. In these past experiences I decided to put on a brave face and push forward in unhealthy ways. I created unhealthy, codependent relationships. I became a people pleaser and would give too much too soon in relationships. But then again, I think this has happened to a lot of us!
Sense of abandonment causes fear.
These fears can manifest in a number of ways. In all honesty I never imagined I had any scars from my mother's death or from circumstances where I had to depend on myself due to losing loved ones. Reality is that I am human and I have developed behaviors that are triggered by these traumas. One thing I had to live out loud is that God's love is faithful. God's love is a safe place and NOTHING can separate me from the His love.
The word of God says in 1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love.
But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.
I can chose to fear that people in my life will betray me, abandon me, hurt me, lie to me, have an opinion said out-loud when I am not around and criticize me... but what kind of relationships will these be? But even if these things were to happen, how does lashing out prevent humans from being ...well... humans? Do my insecurities benefit my relationships or are they hurting my relationships? Am I living in the perfect love of God that I have experienced or am I relying and living love based on my past experiences?
God's love is faithful. Even when I am not faithful, He remains faithful. So I can chose to remember that I will never be abandoned nor forsaken or I can submit and be oppressed to my fears.
These fears were the same fears that lead me to believe that the changes in my life would drive me away from the perfect will of God. And in the same hand, drive me away from His love and protection. This was worrying me. And so God kept bringing Romans 8:38 to my attention. Multiple ways in multiple occasions (through songs, sermons and devotionals).
I have to believe that NOTHING can separate me from the love of God. In my fight or flight moments, I have to stop and breathe and remember that I am not alone, that I am protected and that I am loved:
Isaiah 41:10- So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
What are you going to believe today? How are you going to handle your insecurities? Have you been feeling that God has abandoned you? Has the holy Spirit imparted self awareness of your traumas and triggers? Because we all have them.
Isn’t it quite exhaustive? No I mean really- having to go back and forth with the spirit vs world.
ReplyDeleteHighly most of the time when the Holy Spirit is in full effect in my being- I just want God to take me so I don’t have to battle with the world or my insecurities or whatever that dreadful day made me stray away from what’s important.
I just want my life or better yet my reality when my Holy Spirit is in effect “ to be constant”.
Prayer and sermons and even hymns do brighten up my day. But am I the only one feeling this way?
Man, the struggle is real! The apostle Paul said, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ",(Romans 7:15) I'm with you 100% on everything you commented.
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